


The Whole Truth

by MaraMcGregor



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Asexual Character, Asexual Scott McCall, Conversations, M/M, Sexual Identity, Stiles Not Understanding Scott's Identity, accidental confessions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-17
Updated: 2016-12-17
Packaged: 2018-09-09 04:16:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8875585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaraMcGregor/pseuds/MaraMcGregor
Summary: Stiles and Scott have a heart to heart. Stiles, as usual, lets his mouth get away from him and he confesses something he didn't mean to. Scott is tired of forcing his relationships to be something he's uncomfortable with. Death has made him realize that life is too precious to spend in a way that's hurtful and he's not going to change for anyone.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DontTouchMySeaweedBrain](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DontTouchMySeaweedBrain/gifts).



> Scott's personal feelings on being ace are informed by my own. Everyone has their own unique perspective on the subject, this is mine and is deeply informed by my own personal experiences with my own ace identity.
> 
> Sciles Secret Santa gift for [donttouchmyseaweedbrain](http://donttouchmyseaweedbrain.tumblr.com).

Stiles gulped and dug the toe of his sneaker into the dirt. He couldn’t think of a time in his life he had been so nervous. He was so used to living in Scott’s back pocket that he had a habit of believing that Scott would always be there. But since that night when he lashed out in anger at his best friend in the hospital, things hadn’t been the same. He felt guilty about taking it out on Scott, but he felt worse about what he said afterwards. He only found out later from Liam, that Scott had actually died and was only alive because his mom showed up and performed CPR. There was no amount of apology he could give that would be enough. Thing is, he knew that Scott would accept it. He knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that Scott would accept any vague apology that was offered and that would be that.

Stiles sighed and opened the front door of the McCall house and headed up the stairs to Scott’s room.

“Hey, Scott.”

Scott glanced up from his homework and gave a weak smile. “Hey, Stiles. What’s up?”

Stiles shuffled his feet, standing in the doorway. “Liam told me what happened,” he blurted.

Scott’s spine stiffened. He tried for casual nonchalance, “About what?” He missed the mark by a mile.

“That - that you died. That you’re only alive because your mom is amazing.” Stiles dug the toe of his sneaker into the floor. “I was so mad that my dad got hurt, so scared about losing him, that I lashed out. I knew that you might be in danger, but I didn’t - I didn’t - Ugh! I always knew I loved you, Scott. But when Liam told me that you _died_ , it’s like the lights came on and I realized that I was _in_ love with you. I -” Stiles stuttered to a halt. He hadn’t meant to say that. As usual, his mouth got ahead of his brain.

Scott’s jaw dropped. He tried to get sound to come out, but he wasn’t sure what type of sound he wanted to make. His vocal cords settled on, “Wha -?”

“Shit. I didn’t mean to say that.” Stiles slapped his hand over his eyes. “But, yes. I love you, Scott. Not just as a brother, but more. I wish it hadn’t taken me almost losing you, again, for me to wake up, but I do. I swear -”

“Stop!” Scott waved his hand sharply, cutting Stiles off. “I can’t do this with you.”

“What? Is it because I’m a guy?”

“NO! Stiles - I -”

“Then what is it?!”

“I can’t be the kind of guy you need me to be ... you know ... _that_ way.” Scott didn’t want to explain further. He hoped the message came across. Apparently, it didn’t.

Stiles raised his arms and flung them in frustration. “I don’t get it. In _what_ way?”

Scott cut him off before he could bungle this conversation any more. “I’m _ace_ , Stiles. Ace. I am not sexually attracted to anyone. I don’t want to have sex. I’m not interested in a relationship like that.”

Stiles couldn’t reconcile the image he had of Scott from Sophomore year to the one sitting in front of him saying he was asexual and turning him down. “But you and Allison?”

Scott raked a hand through his hair, frustrated at having to explain himself. He felt like delving beyond the statement cheapened it. Tarnished it. Explaining every action of his life away, in order to prove what he already knew to be true, hurt. “I wanted so badly to be like everyone else. I pushed that image with Allison. She wanted to have sex, I knew I was supposed to want it. I loved her so much, Stiles. I did it for her. But, I mostly did it to convince myself that some part of me was how it was supposed to be.”

“You and Kira, I _know_ you spent more than one night together -”

“Kira and I never got around to having sex. She never really pushed. I was happy to lay in bed next to her, fully clothed, and hold each other. I still thought about it. I still put that pressure on myself. I still wanted to be normal. Whatever that is.”

Stiles stepped fully into the room, brow furrowed with confusion. “Did something change? I thought being a wolf made you _more_ horny, not less. Is it stress?”

Scott stood up abruptly, nearly toppling his chair. “For fuck’s sake, Stiles! Nothing changed. Didn’t you hear me? I’ve _always_ been this way. I didn’t have a name for it and didn’t care. And really? Since when has physiology had _anything_ to do with actual attraction? My body works just fine. And really, it’s not like I was popular. No one was clamoring to get into bed with me. It seemed like a non-issue. Everyone always thought I was naive or something when they talked in innuendo. I’m not naive, I’m not stupid. I’m just not wired that way. I never have been.”

Scott slumped onto his bed, shoulders bowed, and stared at his hands in his lap. The frustration bled out, leaving his tone exhausted. “Life is so short. Werewolves are capable of living incredibly long lives. But with everything that has happened, I’m terrified that I won’t survive high school. And I just - I want to live the truest version of myself. I don’t want sex. I don’t want to force myself into doing that anymore. It makes me uncomfortable just thinking about it.

“To be fair, Stiles, I don’t think I would be right for you. You have always talked about sex. And I know your relationship with Malia was based on your mutual sexual attraction. Stiles, I’m not Malia. I can’t be that person in a relationship anymore. You broke up with her because you couldn’t stop comparing her to Lydia. How am I supposed to date you, when you always go back to wanting Lydia? If we date, I need more than to be second best. I want to spend whatever time I have on this earth, being true to myself and to also have that truth being cherished by my partner.”

Scott hadn’t realized he was crying. Tears dripped down onto his hands. He was so tired. Tired of everything. He never asked for anything his life had handed him, but he kept picking himself and kept going. He just wanted someone to accept him for him. God, he missed Kira. She was the first person who had truly accepted his shifted face. No fear, no judgement, just awe. He wished he had been more upfront with his asexuality. Now, he just felt empty. He didn’t notice Stiles had moved until he crouched down in front of him.

Stiles slowly wrapped Scott’s hands in his own. “I fucked this up. I came here to apologize for being blind and inconsiderate. And I made it all worse.” Stiles tenderly rubbed Scott’s teardrops into his skin with his thumb. “The whole point was to tell you just how important you are to me, how I should have treated you better, how I can’t live without you. Scott, I swear, I love you just as you are. I wouldn’t change you even if I could.” Seeing Scott so broken because of him, made Stiles’ heart ache. His own tears joined Scott’s on their hands.

Scott still didn’t look up, eyes solidly focused on his lap. “Don’t say it if you don’t mean it. I don’t think I’d survive if we did this and you decided later that this wasn’t the relationship for you.”

“You know I can’t lie to you. I’m crap at that whole steady heartbeat thing.”

Scott finally glanced up, eyes locking with Stiles’. His eyes were red and puffy, but he spoke firmly, a touch of Alpha creeping in. “If we do this, there’s no more lies of omission. There’s no more taking it out on each other in anger. I could kill you if I let myself lose control. And I may physically heal, but my heart can’t take what you did in the hospital. Not again. I’d rather never start, than get hurt by the person who’s supposed to love me unconditionally.”

Stiles couldn’t take it anymore. He launched himself at Scott and wrapped his arms around his best friend. “You’ll never know how sorry I am. For everything.”

Scott pulled his arms free and gently draped them around Stiles. He let his head rest on Stiles’ shoulder, the soft scent of his oldest friend healing something deep inside. His arms tightened. He wasn’t sure if this would work, or if he would get hurt worse than ever before. But he couldn’t deny himself. He _wanted_ to be loved by Stiles, to be held, and comforted. “Okay. We’ll try.”

“No. Try not. Do, or do not. There is no try.”

“I swear to God if that’s another Star Wars reference -”

Stiles laughed directly in Scott’s ear. “We both know what my first job as your official boyfriend is.”

Scott chuckled. “I knew you had ulterior motives.”


End file.
